August 8, 2008

A weird, sad day

I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years last night.

To say the least, it was the hardest decision I've ever made. I never thought I'd be on the giving end of such heartbreak. It's definitely not my thing. It hurt so much to hurt her like that.

It was a problem with committments. I've been trying to commit to so many people since I went off to college: my parents, my bandmates, my teachers, my girlfriend. In the end I was just giving 10% to everyone. Couldn't keep all my promises or anything like that.

What's keeping me going right now is the fact that we'll both move on and be fine with this sooner than we think. I've had people close to me get their hearts broken really bad. I remember a good friend of mine punching himself in the face repeatedly in front of his ex and her new bo. He really did not want to live without her. But he moved on. Both of my older siblings had high school sweet hearts who everyone just knew they were going to marry. Needless to say, neither of them are with those people. They moved on though, and they're both very happy people and in two very different ways.

Still, it hurt like bloody fucking hell walking out on her.

I quote Elvis Costello:

I'm so used to doin' everything with you
plannin' everything for two
but now that we're through
I just don't know what to do with myself

I'm really sorry, Cassie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i just can't believe you could hurt someone like that because of a commitment issue. especially someone who has given you so much and understands the problem and yet has stuck with you knowing that